First Day Back

So I made it through my first day without Maddie. I even made it through the morning without crying. I hated leaving her this morning she wanted to cuddle and fall asleep in my arms like we normally do in the morning but I handed her off and went off to work. When I went to pick her up she was out cold. She had a really good day and didn't cause any problems. They thought she was an easy baby. I know daycare is going to be really good for her but part of me wishes I could spend more time home with her. She is starting to get so exicited by things. She discovers new things everyday.

My first day back to work was what I expected it wasn't the best. I felt a little behind on things and I couldn't remember some thing but some things came right back. There is the same old politics that was there when I left not that I expected things to change while I was gone. The good thing is that my friends are still working there. I work with a great bunch of guys who really make the day go by a lot quicker. We all have a great working relationship that would be hard to find again I am sure. I have also learned a lot from each of them. They are like a bunch of big brothers that I never had.

I am still awaiting results from Friday's doctor apt. I was nervous on Friday getting the procedure done as I read some bad stories about it. Alot of people were saying they had to be put out and it took them 3 days to recover. I thought it was a piece of cake. It was over and done before I knew what was going on. They are still not sure if it is cancer or not they couldn't tell from the last biopsy. The doctor thought he got all of the bad cells last time but hopefully the latest procedure got them all. I had to ask the questions of more kids... Since they took a piece of my cervix it is going to make my cervix a lot weaker. Carrying a child to term could be diffcult for me since there is already a family history of a weak cervix and I have already had a child. So I asked if they could apply a stitch that would keep my cervix closed until the baby was ready. They doctor agreed with that and said we would talk about it when the time comes. I am hoping that everything comes back clean and at my 2 week check up it will also be clean. If not I am going to have to see what my risk is of waiting until after next year so we can have one more child. But if Maddie has to be an only that is okay to that means I just have that much more love to give her. At least I am lucky enough to know the love of a child some people never get to know this wonderful feeling. By wed I should know what is going on.