Guess How Much I love you!

Since Maddie was a few weeks old we have been reading to her before she falls asleep. One of my favorite books to read Maddie is "Guess How Much I Love You". In this story the baby bunny is telling his dad how much he loves him and no matter how much he says he loves the dad bunny the dad bunny can show little bunny how much more he loves him. My favorite is the end of the book; "Then he lay down close by and whispered with a smile "I love you right up to the moon
and back"














Another book I had forgotten about until I was taking to a friend was Robert Munsch's "Love you forever". I just read the story tonight and for being a children s book it brought me to tears in the end. A mother rocks her boy from the moment he is born until she is an old lady singing to him:
I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always,
As long as I'm living
my baby you'll be.

The twist at the end is the boy picks up his mom and sings to her as she is to old and can't finish the song so he sings to her the same lyrics only he says "As long as I am living my mommy you'll be" He then goes home and signs the same song to his new born daughter.

It rings true if you are a Mom. I think your child will always be your baby no matter how old they are or where they are.

Smiles

They say you don't know what love is until you have a child....... It wasn't until Madeline was born and I held her in my arms for the first time that I understood what that saying was all about. In the first days of bringing home your baby you are both getting use to each other. Then one day you look down and see the most wonderful thing.... A SMILE that melts your heart. Maddie started smiling around 2 months I think but ever since then she has been all smiles. Now she even giggles when you get her going. When I dropped her off at day care for the first time I was traumatized while she was just a new place. My biggest fear was I would be replaced as the number one person as I will only get a few hours of awake time compared to all the time we had together the previous 12 weeks. Today when I picked her up she was sleeping and when she woke up and saw me I got the biggest smile. It was like she was saying "HI MOM glad you are here!"

Now she lays next to me sleeping like a rock. I love to watch her sleep and her new thing is she likes to reach out to make sure I am still close or at least touch my arm. She has turned into a mommy's girl but then again she does look just like me. (Maddie 2 days old on Left. Me 3 days old)

She loves her fingers alot

My other baby who gets a little jealous

She already likes to read :)

Good News Weekend

So the weekend turned out really well. On Friday I learned I didn't have cervix cancer (WOO HOO). The spot they original took for the biopsy was really small and when they did the leep procedure they didn't find any cells! Now when we go to try to have kids again next fall I am going to have to be extra careful because of the cervix being so weak but we talked about putting a stitch in so I would be able to carry the next baby without any problems.

Well I was at the doctors I ran into friends of ours that was on their way to have their baby. Amy and Jeremy welcomed Bode Stratton at 7:00 pm on Friday night. We went to visit the new family Saturday night and what a cutie. He weight 6lbs 13oz which is what Maddie weighed we brought her home. He was such a peanut. It seems like so long ago she was that tiny.

Speaking of Maddie she is getting bigger by the day I swear. She had a busy weekend of visiting and shopping. Today she thought she would skip the nap all together and that made for a very ugly Maddie come this afternoon. But she had both sets of grandparents here who love to spoil to her. She watched grampie Raven put my new light in the dinning room and put track lighting up in my kitchen. She also got so new fall presents from the grammy's she got a big round pumpkin and a scarecrow to display. Now I just have to decide what she is going to be for Halloween.
Here is a new picture of her.

Happy Birthday, 1 Year, and 3 Months Old

I have been so bad about updating this but it has been a busy couple of weeks. I completed my first full week of work and I don't love being back. I swear the politics of having gotten a lot worse since I left three months ago.

But enough about the stupidity I call work. Maddie turned 3 months last Thursday. I can't believe how quick it went by. Munchkin is up at 14.5 lbs and almost 24 inches long. She does really well at daycare every time I go to pick her up she does nothing but giggle. She is getting to the point she can touch the floor when we put her in her bouncy seat.
On Monday we celebrated our 1 year wedding anniversary. So much happened in one year. Marriage, new house and baby. I am very lucky to have married my bestfriend. We had such a great wedding he surprised me in his bright orange tux at the reception. When I got home on Monday I found a single rose (to represent our one year together) and fall mums in Maddie's crib. (these were a present from Maddie). We went to dinner at the Lucerne Inn. It was very quiet and nice.

Last but not least today is my birthday. I am the big 2-7. It was a really quiet day my mommy came to visit with me as this is the first time I haven't had anyone around. Josh is gone on business and Maddie just wants to eat and sleep.

First Day Back

So I made it through my first day without Maddie. I even made it through the morning without crying. I hated leaving her this morning she wanted to cuddle and fall asleep in my arms like we normally do in the morning but I handed her off and went off to work. When I went to pick her up she was out cold. She had a really good day and didn't cause any problems. They thought she was an easy baby. I know daycare is going to be really good for her but part of me wishes I could spend more time home with her. She is starting to get so exicited by things. She discovers new things everyday.

My first day back to work was what I expected it wasn't the best. I felt a little behind on things and I couldn't remember some thing but some things came right back. There is the same old politics that was there when I left not that I expected things to change while I was gone. The good thing is that my friends are still working there. I work with a great bunch of guys who really make the day go by a lot quicker. We all have a great working relationship that would be hard to find again I am sure. I have also learned a lot from each of them. They are like a bunch of big brothers that I never had.

I am still awaiting results from Friday's doctor apt. I was nervous on Friday getting the procedure done as I read some bad stories about it. Alot of people were saying they had to be put out and it took them 3 days to recover. I thought it was a piece of cake. It was over and done before I knew what was going on. They are still not sure if it is cancer or not they couldn't tell from the last biopsy. The doctor thought he got all of the bad cells last time but hopefully the latest procedure got them all. I had to ask the questions of more kids... Since they took a piece of my cervix it is going to make my cervix a lot weaker. Carrying a child to term could be diffcult for me since there is already a family history of a weak cervix and I have already had a child. So I asked if they could apply a stitch that would keep my cervix closed until the baby was ready. They doctor agreed with that and said we would talk about it when the time comes. I am hoping that everything comes back clean and at my 2 week check up it will also be clean. If not I am going to have to see what my risk is of waiting until after next year so we can have one more child. But if Maddie has to be an only that is okay to that means I just have that much more love to give her. At least I am lucky enough to know the love of a child some people never get to know this wonderful feeling. By wed I should know what is going on.

Last day

I can't believe how fast the summer has gone. As of Monday it is all over for me I go back to work. It will probably be one the hardest days. I have only left Maddie for more then 3 hours once and that was at night time when I went out for my first adult night. She has been doing good all week going down at 9am and sleeping until noon until today she was a fuss bucket all day. The only way she would go down was by me holding or rocking her. (yeah she might be a little spoiled but I can do that :) ) I never put my birth story so this is what happen almost 3 months ago:

Maddie's Birth Story

Madeline was due on June 30th and I had no idea what to expect with the birth. Actually labor and delivery scared the heck out of me. I wasn't sure what was going to happen when I went into labor or if it was really going to hurt. So when June got here I started progressing at my 32 week apt I was dilated 1-2 cm. She was weighing in at 5lbs and they said she was going to be a huge baby. I was trying to wrap things at work in the beginning of June. With that said I had made arragments for a vendor to come on site to help with a project I kept telling Maddie she could come anytime after the 13th just please let me get through this last project. Well around June 9th I started losing my mucus plug and was thinking no no please just wait one more week. But I think I knew something was going to happen soon I packed my hospital bag and bought last min items. On June 1oth I came home from work and layed low packed some clothes in the suit case and went to bed. Around 11 or midnight I started having some pains so I tried sleeping on the couch. The pains happened every hour on the hour but I really didn't think much about it as they always say your first could take forever to be born. So with no sleep I got up early and went to work. I didn't feel awesome at work and was passing more of the mucus plug. I had a dr. Apt that morning at 9 I was hoping and praying he would not admit me because I had work to do. Josh was also suppose to leave for New Hampshire but was waiting on my apt. At the doctors apt I was told I was at 3cm dialted and probably won't be pregnant this time next week but I was good to go. If she was here by next we would do another sonogram to see how big she was getting to see if I would need a c-section because he wouldn't induce. So I left the doctors office and called Josh to send him to New Hampshire. I was going to have mom come spend the night with me incase anything happened. I went back to work and got to a point where we took a break for lunch. I thought I would go home and lay down to sneak a nap before going back in. As I was laying there my contractions got worse. I got up to tell Josh I was going back to work. He ended up staying home just incase. He wanted to know how far apart my contractions were and I said I don't know I have time because it is my first child and I have to get back to work. He drove to work as he wouldn't let me drive myself. As we were driving he started timing my contractions they were 4 mins apart. So he told me I was done working and we were going to the hospital. I got to work said good bye to everyone did one finally thing with the vendor and said goodbye and thanks to him. I then went back home to change and pack a bag for Maddie. I then called the doctors office to tell them my contactions were 4mins apart. They had me come right in and for the first time I didn't have to wait in the waiting room I got right into a room. I also didn't have to wait for the dr either he came in right behind me. He checked me and I was at 6cm. I had gone from 3cm to 6cm in 5 hours. He strectched me to 7 cm and sent me to the hospital and said we were going to have a baby tonight. As he wrote my orders I told him to have the epi waiting for me when I got to the room. I called mom and told her to get to the hospital and as we were heading there ourseleves. When we got to registration I had to wait a few moments so they could get my paperwork and barclet made. Josh got a little anxious he was like she is going to have a baby her contractions are 4mins apart. (Like they couldn't tell I was pregnat) I got an escort up to the 7th floor and into a labor room. I got nurse Jeri who was the best nurse! She set me all up and the contractions got worse. I begged for drugs but we couldn't do anything until dr.aloupis got there. He came to break my water at 4 or 4:30 and I begged for drugs after and he said I was to late for drugs she was coming to quickly and that if I did take them it would slow things down. So they gave me some stadiol to help ease some of the pain. I felt like I was drunk. My mom and Josh were really good. My mom kept a wash cloth on forehead and Josh had a leg as I wanted to push. I started pushing at 5 and by 6:12 she was born. Labor wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. She got stuck and he was going to use the vaccuum until I said give me 5 more mins and I will push her out myself. She get tired with all that pushing. Some times they would say push hard and would fake push. He had to perform an episodimy as she was coming so quick and I felt every bit of it. If I could have gotten my foot away from Josh I would have kicked him. He apologized and said he gave me a numbing shot but it didn't take in time. At 6:12 pm Maddie was took her first breath and she came out screaming. I got to hold her right after she came and it was one of the best feelings in the world. There are no words to describe the feeling of holding your baby for the first time. After they cleaned her up I got to hold her again. Then I let Josh and my mom hold her. She weighed 7lbs 5oz and was 19.45 inches long. In the nursery she was the loudest baby.

What tomorrow brings

So today was another day of nonstop cuddling with Maddie. We took a couple hour nap together probably one of the last ones during the week. She is getting such more control of her neck. Yesterday I put together her Rain forest Jumperoo and put her in it. She wasn't sure what to think of it. She just looked at all the fun new toys and thought what the heck mom.






So on a more serious note I go the doctor tomorrow for a procedure I was hoping we were going to have avoid. I found out when I was 3 or 4 months pregnant that had abnormal cells on my cervix. Now when you are pregnant this is something you don't want to hear. I cried for about two days worrying about what was going to happen. The doctor checked it out and said we would wait until the baby came and it might take care of its self. So 6 months later I have Maddie and don't think to much about it until my 6 week check up. My pap came back abnormal again and I would have to another coloscopy and a biopsy. So this scared me to death once again and I cried for only a day this time. I went in for the procedure and was told they would let me know in a week how the biopsy turned out. Exactly one week later I got a call from the nurse saying they found in even more abnormal cells. Now the doctor was going to have to perform the leep procedure. In this procedure they take a piece of the cervix with a laser. We wanted to stay away from this procedure because I have a family history of a weak cervix and by taking a piece of mine it might cause me to go into labor early on my next pregnancy.
Tomorrow morning I get this done. I am really hoping it doesn't turn out to be cancer. I should have asked the nurse more questions when she called but I forgot. I think I was to scared what her answers would be. The doctor told me last time it wasn't cancer but these cells could turn into cancer. This is something you don't want to hear when you are 26 and a new mom. Its 10:48 on a Thursday night and sit here wondering how tomorrow morning is going to turn out.

3 Days Left :(

So my summer vacation is coming to an end. I had my beautiful daughter Madeline Grace on June 11th at 6:12 p.m. Since then I have been home learning how to become a mom to the most beautiful girl in the world. It seems like the summer has flown by and I am on my last week of maternity leave. Since this is the last week I haven't wanted to put Maddie down. I have always said I wanted to stay working after I have kids but it is going to be so hard to leave her next Monday morning and have someone else watch her all day.